Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
