and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize