dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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