update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
