Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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