I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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