I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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