At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
