All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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