her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
