1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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