I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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