Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
