my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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