does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
