In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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