ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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