At least make sure they are 18
Why
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
