I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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