What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
