Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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