Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
