i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
