Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's the barista slut.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
