for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize