I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
