Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
