Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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