areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
