I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
