I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
