god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
