I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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