You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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