Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
