I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
