I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
