I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
