I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come on in and take your pants off
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