His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
