Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
