we have officially lost it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
