She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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