Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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