happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
