Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
