Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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