Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
