i jhust puked up my retainher.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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