just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
