Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize