Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
