I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
