Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
