Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
