Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
