I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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