lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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