their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
