we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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