He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Say something about gay babies.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
