do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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