Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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