I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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