So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
